Five Things Healthy Couples Do After a Big Fight | Relationship Advice 2022

Fights with your partner, even when rare — especially when rare — can be troubling. Just the fact that you’re arguing leads to a big question: If we’re so happy, should we even be fighting?

Yes, provided it's not filthy and hateful. Fights are practically inevitable. People become weary. Family and child rearing issues are sensitive and force you to delve deep. And having different viewpoints does not magically disappear after marriage.

According to Lesli Doares, a registered marriage and family therapist and the author of Hero Husband: Building a Super Marriage with Truth, Confidence, and Authentic Leadership, "If two individuals agree on everything, one of them isn't necessary."

But how can we define what it means to be happy? You believe that because of how you were.That's a trap, you should always act that way.

According to relationship expert and co-founder of The Couples Institute Peter Pearson, "happiness is not a continuously maintained state of mind."

Our daily routines resemble our exercise playlists. They start as exciting but can quickly grow boring. We must constantly discover new tunes, yet we give up looking. A quarrel isn't the worst thing in the situation.

According to Pearson, "it can clear up the cobwebs." "The conflict starts to reveal what's important to each person,"

The actual problem is not so much fighting as it is how you fight and what you do thereafter. Couples "focus too much on the solution," says Pearson. No. It's who you are and how you get there.

Here are some fundamentals of relationships: Listen. Try to describe why and how something matters to you. Try to comprehend your spouse in the same way. Ask if you're unsure.If you do that, it might change how the battle finishes. The battle finishes, though, and you have to switch back. Since you recently fought, there isn't a surefire way to get there. But happy couples frequently follow up with specific actions. Here are a few things to remember.

5 Things Healthy Couples Do After a Big Fight

1. They don't try to solve everything right away.

"Don't go to bed angry," as the saying goes. Robyn Landow, a New York City psychologist, despises that advice. Couples are forced to force a resolution or continue talking long after it is dark. They should just go to bed. It won't be perfect, but it never was, and it won't be destructive.

"You can go to bed angry and wake up not angry," she says.

However, taking a break can happen at any time. Parenting entails never being able to finish a conversation because dinner needs to be prepared or a bath needs to be run. Those natural pauses during a fight, she says, "help us cool off." And, on occasion, you

You can also call your own timeout and say, "We're stuck right now." Let's take a break and return later."

The only rule is that you set a time and return to the discussion later. Otherwise, you're just saying things to avoid the problem and accumulating resentment.

"You will never be able to pause a conflict in the future if you don't bring it up," Landow says.

2. They are patient.

The fight may appear to be over, but there are often "leftover emotions," according to Landow, and someone isn't quite ready to talk about the day. The length of this refractory period varies by person, but good partners become more tolerant of waiting or speeding up getting things doneThe length of this refractory period varies by individual, but good partners become more tolerant of waiting or hastening the resolution of a problem because it is about understanding and respecting what the other person requires.

3. They Apologize

And they apologize fairly quickly. It has nothing to do with how you would not have allowed something to affect you. At its most basic level, a fight occurred. You recognize it, and the damage has been done. If you don't, tensions and resentment will fester.

"You are responsible for your part of the disruption," Doares says.

4. They Express Appreciation And Hug

They begin by saying "thank you for listening," expressing gratitude for participating in the "discussion." However, the natural tendency is to simply exit the space, which.” But the inclination is to just exit the space, which can leave someone cold. The hug brings you back together physically. "It's like shaking hands, but it's between partners," Pearson explains.

Then do something else. It can be done both together and separately — the hug makes going solo acceptable — but it must be something that does not require emotional energy.

5.They Let It Go.

This is the difficult part, and it's made even more difficult if you haven't listened, apologized, and attempted to understand each other. What makes it especially difficult is that the fight occurred and is easy to recall, but this is unfairly picking at the scab.

Finally, it comes down to how you perceive your partner. Is their worst behavior an outlier or expected?Finally, it comes down to how you perceive your partner. Is their worst behavior an outlier or expected? The first is a more empathic and forgiving attitude.

“Happy couples don’t look at each other like the enemy,” Doares says.

A Note About Staying Happy

Once or twice a week, Pearson says to ask your partner what’s coming up that’s really important. This takes the discussion off the to-do list and makes it more deliberate. Then ask yourself, "What can I do to make this easier?" You're offering assistance, which is rarely refused and will almost certainly be requested in return.

That helps maintain your connection, but happiness necessitates novelty, which can be difficult when parenting is all about routines and falling asleep. There is no single solution, but it never hurts to try.There is no single solution, but it never hurts to splurge on something that makes you wonder, "Should we really do that?"

The answer is yes. It makes you smile and relax, and when you're relaxed and happy, you start talking about bigger ideas. "It kind of wakes you up to other possibilities," Pearson says.